Thirsty Soul

Snapshots

2012-01-26T20:55:00.009-05:00

This is the view outside our living room window on a late January afternoon, sun glinting off ice crusted trees. Birds (that you can't see) picking at seeds on the balcony, and I wish the sun would last longer because it's so bright and beautiful. Loris thinks I'm a little crazy but lately I think I've felt spring in the air... not close but edging closer.

Some evenings the sunsets are stunning and it is the coziest feeling to look out and see cars bumper to bumper in rush hour traffic, a contrast to the peace in our little apartment, music playing and just chatting together while I cook dinner.

I've always enjoyed cooking, but since getting married (and moving from home) I've discovered a true love for it - trying new foods, being creative, the calming rhythms of chopping and stirring and throwing ingredients into a pan. Art on a plate.

On the afternoons I'm not at work we are often at home - catching up on cleaning and projects and reading, and Loris (in-between searching for work) might watch a soccer game, itching for warm weather so he can kick a ball around again.

I love our home - a refuge in this busy city, our first place together. A tiny apartment, not the nicest building, but with a little work and creativity, a place that is lovely, that's ours.

And hard to believe it, but we've been here for six months, married for six months!

A couple evenings ago we went downtown to celebrate and had dinner at a little Portuguese-Italian restaurant at a cozy table by a window. Laughed and talked so much that we had to catch a later-than-planned movie afterwards because we were there so long!

Loris used to say when we were dating, "We could have fun watching paint dry as long as we're together." And happily, I think it's still true (you know, now that we're old married folk).

It is true that marriage takes work, and reveals many weaknesses and sins, and arguments happen. But most of the time, I've been overwhelmed in how good it is, how beautiful to be married to someone who is my best friend.

Guarded by peace

2012-01-14T18:55:00.022-05:00

These days I have been learning (slowly) more of what it means to know the peace of Christ. To know joy because I am His and He is mine and therefore all is ultimately right in my world.

I find myself blessed beyond what I have hoped for or expected in many ways - blessed in that God has been kind in giving me a precious, (although temporary) gift that I had so long hoped for - marriage to a man who loves me deeply, and loves Christ even more. Six months (nearly) into marriage, I am still in awe of this.

But strangely, I've lately found myself feeling much more prone to anxiety or sadness at things going on around me or in the lives of those I love - perhaps in contrast to the good that God has been showing me in this sweet season of life which has so far been marked with far
more joys than struggles.

My husband reminds me that empathy is a good thing, because it leads us to prayer and love. But in these things, God does not call us to anxiety and fear, which is where I've been at - anxiety over those I care about and circumstances they are in, fear in things that may happen, or even future burdens I may be called to bear.

And in the midst of this good gift God has given me, I've sometimes felt as if I am wanting to guard my earthly happiness as if it is the ultimate thing. To be safe and healthy and happy in the superficial sense, and wanting the same for those I love. Nothing smudging these goals, thank you.

My eyes begin to drift away from what the goal of life really is, and from the eternal glory that awaits us, and I find myself thirsty.

It is difficult to keep a right balance - to enjoy the earthly gifts God provides, but not to prize them highest, or to fasten my grip so tightly on them (or to demand gifts He has not yet given). To set my mind on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. (Colossians 3:2)

To have a quiet heart that rests in the certainty of my God, in the truth that He does all things well. He is good. Nothing escapes His notice. Nothing can happen without His permission. We are (ultimately) safe in His keeping.

Some days I feel like I know so little of living the Christian life...but thankful that I live for a patient, forgiving Lord. When I stop, and pause, and look to Him, He is faithful to remind me of truth and encourage my heart:

"The Lord is at hand, do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus...whatever you have learned and received and heard and seen in me - practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you." (Philippians 4:5-7,9)

(photo credit)

A new year update

2012-01-07T16:31:00.013-05:00

The end of last year slipped by at a dizzying pace. Suddenly having a job meant my weeks took on more structure, and any spare time has often been filled with things other than what I really love to do - spending time reading, writing in a journal and on this blog.

I've realized afresh that I need to process life through writing - it helps me slow down and consider, not just live live live without thinking about what I'm doing (or should be) and why, if that makes sense. So I hope to make these two important practices a more frequent thing in my life this year, especially spending time in the Word and processing what I'm reading.

Maybe I'll share another time what I've been doing about that, but I'll just say for now that my plan to read through the Bible is moving very slowly, but surely. I'm enjoying not having a structured plan, just plodding forward in uneven amounts.

So with November's good news of me finally finding a steady job (Yes! Time to start saving for a house, and being able to loosen up a bit on the budget!...), December brought some contrasting events.

First, Loris was layed off from his job. This came as a disappointing surprise. He hasn't found work yet but we are thankful for the way that God has been providing for us and for His kindness in leading me to a job before the layoff. Still, I hate to see my hard-working husband having to go through this wait time and applying for job after job when he just wants to be working so badly. God knows though.

And secondly, we found out that Loris has a very high cholesterol level, to the point where the doctor said he needs to cut out fat almost entirely from his diet. Loris' dad had two heart attacks before he was forty, so this is largely a hereditary thing, as our diets really are pretty healthy. So for the past month I've been experimenting with food and trying out lots of low fat and vegetarian recipes, with surprisingly delicious results. I may have to share some recipes! (And incidentally, how much more fun is cooking when you are wearing a polka-dot apron!)

The other half of Loris' health news is that electrocardiogram results (the doctor prescribed this test due to some strange symptoms) earned him an appointment with a heart specialist, which we have to wait a couple months for. We really don't know what news lies ahead, but are just trying to trust God.

Trust, a lesson I am learning through these and other circumstances in our lives right now... I think about this new year and all that we are looking to God in hope for. Of all the beautiful things that might lie ahead, but perhaps trials too, and times of waiting. In all of this, I'm grateful to be His child, to have the precious security of being loved by the Creator of the universe and secure in Him, always.

We live the given life.

2011-11-19T15:17:00.018-05:00

After several months of trying to start up my own business again without much success, searching and applying for jobs without any call-backs, trying to discover what it was that God wanted me to do in this season, waiting and praying...applying for more jobs, waiting....

Finally, suddenly, I have a job that is beyond what I asked for, and that I am completely excited about! I'll be working for a Christian organization in a group home for children and teens with developmental disabilities. The schedule is not what I had hoped for, but Loris and I both feel a peace about it and will just make the necessary adjustments.

A quote I saw on a friend's facebook wall the other day rings true:

"We live the given life, and not the planned" - Wendell Berry

I'm reminded that I am not the author of my life, God is. And when He brings something along that is different than what I would have planned, I know it is the better thing.

Sometimes it's the tension of knowing that without seeing it, but sometimes I think He likes to bless us with something so obviously good and beyond what we were asking. To remind of us - just a little bit - of how much He really is capable of.

And for that, I am so grateful.

Waiting on news and gifts of grace.

2011-11-16T22:00:00.007-05:00

This morning I got myself a vanilla latte (thanks to a free coupon I had) and drove down to a park on the water not a far drive from where we live.

The weather was unseasonably warm, and the trees that still held some of their leaves seemed all the more yellow gold against the grey of the sky. I crunched my way across the park ankle deep in fallen leaves and found a wooden bench to settle on for a while. Sipping my latte and watching squirrels that seem to be twice as big as the squirrels that used to visit the bird feeder when I lived in the country. I guess they must be fed too much here - leftover lunch bits of all kinds. They seemed unusually bold, coming to my feet and giving me dirty looks because I didn't bring food and they obviously were trying to stock-pile for winter.

The water was so peaceful in the distance, and the sound of leaves dropping above me and on to the ground below. Peaceful, and I've felt that way today too. I've been waiting to hear back from the job I applied for now that all my references are in, and some other things have been on my mind as well. Things that could make me anxious, but over the past several days they've just seemed very small.

And why? I think a large part of it has been this sudden feeling of thankfulness I've found covering each day, this week especially. Not something I've mustered up, but God's doing. A sudden awareness of every good gift, even small things. Not so much in circumstances or physical things, but in sensing the Lord's nearness, and complete sovereignty over our lives. The joy of being in relationship to Him.

I read a quote last night in a book that captures well these spiritual blessings we have to rejoice in:

"There's no doubt that becoming a Christian is a costly thing (Luke 14:28). But it's also true that the rewards of being a Christian are inexpressibly awesome. Forgiveness of sins, adoption as God's children, relationship with Jesus, the gift of the Holy Spirit, freedom from sin's tyranny, the fellowship of the church, the final resurrection and glorification of the body, inclusion in God's kingdom, the new heavens and new earth, eternity in God's presence, seeing his face - all these are the promises God makes to us in Christ."

I want to hang on to and rejoice in these precious things that are ours in Christ, no matter what the winding path of my life holds.

And whatever you are facing today, I hope you can too.

(Photo credit)

Living in the in-between

2011-11-14T11:00:00.020-05:00

There are days that seem to be so full of sheer life that your heart feels like it will burst at the seams and scatter out all the joys and sorrows.

I had a day like that last week.

First, driving back with my husband to see my family...soaking in the comfortable familiarity of home. Listening to my youngest two brothers ramble (wanna see my tadpoles I'm gonna winterize? come and listen to my new guitar notes!). Slipping upstairs to climb into the window seat in my old room, and remembering all the prayers and thinking and dreaming that have happened in that spot. Thankfulness over things that God has done in my life. Sitting on the bed in my parents room with a cup of coffee as my mom folded laundry, easy chatter and laughs, and some things serious. Helping to prepare lunch. Talking about the Christian life with my dad and husband in the living room. Laughing with my sister. An afternoon visit with more family stopping by. Sharing happiness at some joyous news...(no, we're not expecting yet.)

Feeling the beauty of family and a life that seems blessed far beyond what I deserve.

But there was sadness too, because even with the joys, there are difficulties and frustrations in the lives of people I love, with no immediate answers. There was thinking about tragic news that happened to someone else I don't even know and empathizing, painfully. And then again as I saw a video update on intense persecution happening to believers a world away.

After dinner, we drove back to our city for an evening downtown, but not to join in the usual (for many) Friday-night happenings. Instead, we bundled up against the sharp November cold to join some fellow believers in outdoor evangelism on a busy street. And I felt tired, and a little unsure, because I used to go every week but have have missed two months for various reasons.

But as I stood there, just holding some tracts, I was suddenly marveling at my Savior's grace - knowing Him to be near, and full of longing to show His love to another. Joy at knowing and feeling this love, but sadness too.

Because it wasn't like people-watching in a grocery store line or at the mall food court or the library. It was a sharp awareness of homeless teens and girls dressed for clubbing (so young) and empty, longing eyes that met mine as they wandered by.

I talked to a group, two boys and a girl no older than thirteen or fourteen. They wanted to know why I was there, and the one boy took over as leader and sent me spinning in a ten minute conversation because he was so so hardened, far beyond his years. Full of accusations and arguments and anger and excuses, because God does not exist and he is sure of it, and I'm brainwashed and don't understand reality.

My heart hurt, and I wanted to sit down with them at a McDonald's and answer their questions and point them to truth, truth that is reasonable and can stand up under scrutiny. I wanted to ask questions and understand the paths that have brought them to this place. And most of all, to help them see their need, to see the depths and beauty of the forgiveness and love that is in God, their Creator. But they didn't want to hear. They scoffed at my cautious words and the one boy finally jostled them away, maybe because a thread of conviction ran deep.

Their young faces were imprinted in my mind, pushing me to pray as I went home to the warmth of our apartment and sat on the couch and processed the whole day against my husband's shoulder...

Glimpses of God's goodness all around - in the feeling of home, and in the friendships and close-knowing of family. In laughter and beauty and in the love of my husband. In the hope of what is to come, of possibilities. All gifts that come from Him. And yet, they are still marred by imperfection, and we feel the brevity of this life, a longing for more time.

And I remember - all the good things are just a preview to a much longer story, a bar of music to a song we want to hear in full. We feel this, because there is more.

We know, in this in-between place, (of what was intended, and what will yet be) that pain and sorrow and unfulfilled longing and all ugly things don't belong. We were not made for these.

But for now, they are the reality (because of sin, but that's a longer story). So I've been thinking about how to respond - not to ignore or fear or run away from all the ugly, but to shine God's love and light in every dark place or circumstance - to people who need to hear the gospel, who need truth, who need encouragement, who need love - friends and acquaintances and family and even strangers.

And it is a difficult balance - to see the hurt around us, and to respond where we can, but not be overwhelmed by it. I think the answer in that difficulty (I am learning this, slowly) is leaning in to the One who is strong and mighty and wise and loving.

He asks us to enter in to the suffering of others, but underneath He is the one really carrying the burden.

Starting at the beginning.

2011-11-10T10:46:00.012-05:00

This week a package came for me in the mail - my new ESV Reference Bible. I've read the New American Standard version since childhood but over the last year have been thinking of switching to the ESV, at least for a season. I appreciate that, along with the careful translation from the original languages, this version is also very readable - many sentences flow much nicer than in my NAS Bible.

Lately, I've been very aware that I need the Word. I've felt distracted and slightly overwhelmed by information (internet, articles, books, etc) - ideas, discussions, questions, thoughts...and I came to the conclusion that I need to be spending more time in Scripture.

Not reading or hearing about the Word so much, but reading it directly. Just me over an open Bible, spending time with the Lord and asking for understanding. I don't want to just know facts about God, I want to know Him intimately.

So one of my goals right now is to read through the Bible. (Not in a specified amount of time - just starting at the beginning and moving my way through) Partly to familiarize myself with this new translation, but mostly to spend more time in what I truly need, and less time with other things that steal my attention but are not necessary.

Milestone, job update, and home ideals

2011-10-26T14:23:00.016-04:00

The 23rd of this month marked three months of marriage for us...and like any other newly-married couple, we can hardly believe it! It's gone by so fast, and at the same time it feels like we've been together for much longer. Marriage has been very good, has been an adjustment in some ways, and has taught me some lessons. Or at least, has pointed at some things that I need to learn that are still in process!

I worked a full (paid) morning today, which is a first for me since finishing up work before our wedding. I'm still trying to pick up clients here in Ottawa, which is slow going but I'm okay with that. For now, even this small bit of work is helping to pay bills, so I'm thankful.

I also submitted another resume this week, this time to a job that I would really like, and that would work well with our schedule, which would be nice because I don't want to be away in the evenings - I love being able to prepare dinner and meet my husband when he comes home from work and spend most evenings together.

I'm waiting to hear back. And trying to trust while I wait.

This one particular job this morning (cleaning a house) reminded me why I value simplicity in a home. Creativity and making a place that is beautiful and functional are important to me, and that means keeping clutter and excess possessions to a minimum.

My ideals for our future home (that includes children) are high, and I realize that I'll have to face the reality of messes and toys and clutter someday, but it's really our goal not to live an excessive lifestyle - filling up our closets and corners with clothes and toys and supplies and games and other possessions that we really don't need or use. (I am not against these things, just in excess amounts)

It's not very difficult now - our apartment is small and we're on a necessary budget which keeps me from buying or collecting extras. Still, this could become more of a temptation in the future...

So I'm seeing this season as training ground for the rest of our lives - practicing contentment by living a simple lifestyle that's not defined by possessions.

(Photo - marigolds still blooming brightly in our balcony box)

On pause

2011-10-08T16:32:00.013-04:00

(Photo Credit)

Getting married in July brought change.

I moved on from the job I had been in for the last three years. (My own business and entire client base.) I moved away from living with family, which has been a constant for all but one of my twenty-six years. I went from living outside a relatively small town to Canada's capital city. From a big home on a rural lot to a little apartment off a buzzing street. A different church, now. And of course, all the little changes that come with joining your life with another in marriage.

I plunged in with no regrets - because what is there to regret when your beloved enters the scene of your quiet life and invites you to journey with him into the unknown, together? What's a job and family close by and the familiar things that make up your life compared to that?

And true to what many told me, this adventure has been much much better than I could have thought, and also difficult in some little ways I wasn't expecting. (But even those things are good because they are about growing as a person, and even growing a deeper love for each other.)

I think I'm really just beginning to settle into this new life. The wow of "I just got married!" is starting to wear off. (But not the wow and newness of "I love this husband of mine so much!" which hopefully does not wear off, but only deepens...)

And with the settling in, I've been thinking quite a bit lately about what these days should look like for me, in this season of our lives. Mostly because some things have not followed the pattern that I assumed. For one, I thought I could start my business here and wouldn't have a problem gaining new clients quite soon. Or that, even if it did take some time, I could easily pick up a part time job somewhere to help pay bills or put some savings away. And since Loris and I are both open to children whenever God blesses us in that way (and are not embarrassed to state this) I thought we easily might be among those increasingly rare individuals who find out they are to be future parents soon after the honeymoon!

But here we are, I without work and no baby on the way. And I really am okay with both of these things right now - I think I've just been in a period of realizing - or remembering, it seems to be a lesson I must learn again and again - that I don't write the script for my life.

And with this on my heart lately, I've been thinking. (In between applying for jobs and keeping a home and running errands and spending time at my mother-in-laws and visiting with family when I can and trying to make reading and studying a priority and all the other things that make up my life right now...)

Thinking about how best to use this season, and what the Lord would have me do with the extra time that I do have right now. I have different ideas, but I want to be led by the Spirit and not my own tendencies to just be busy and accomplish things, which are really led by pride.

So that is a lengthy update on where I'm at right now. I'm so thankful to have a husband who is wise and often knows just what to say or how to encourage me. That has been so helpful for me, but your prayers would be appreciated also.

Meanwhile, I am loving this life God has given me and am so blessed by many, many things. Much to be thankful for as we (in Canada) prepare to celebrate Thanksgiving this weekend!

Eggplant Bolognese

2011-10-01T16:35:00.017-04:00

I was going to do a very lovely autumn post full of pictures of our cozy nest, but I left my camera at my parents on our list visit, so I'll have to do it another time.

For now, I think I will just share what I made for dinner last night, because it was so so delicious.

As some of you know, my husband is Italian, and requires certain types of food on a regular basis or he goes into withdrawal. Pasta for instance - he absolutely needs to eat pasta several times a week, at least. He would be happy with any variety of pasta with plain tomato sauce over top every time, but I like more variety than that (which I know he appreciates as well).

Enter Eggplant Bolognese. (Listen to the Italian pronunciation so you can be an expert and not say Bolleg-knees like I may or may not have in the past....)

Actually, this is one of my husband's dad's signature dishes. (I only have one husband, in case that sentence confused you) He made it for us when he was visiting from Italy for our wedding and I immediately understood why it was one of Loris' favorite dishes.

I've never cooked with eggplant before so I looked our purple friend up on the internet and was off to the kitchen. Oh, I also looked at a couple recipes online but ended up making my own as I went along, which I normally do anyway. But for inspiration, I borrowed the photo (credit) from Martha Stewart (again, no camera right now). Measurements are not very important, so if you add a little less or a little more, no big deal.

Eggplant Bolognese

Ingredients:

1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil (or whatever cooking oil you have on hand)
1 large or 2 small onions, chopped
1 large eggplant, skin on and chopped into 1 inch pieces
4 cloves garlic, very finely chopped (or less, if you prefer)
Salt and Pepper
Fresh or dried oregano and basil (a few leaves of each, chopped, or 1 tsp of each dried)
1 jar prepared pasta sauce
1 jar pasatta (pure strained tomatoes, but goes by this name on the jar and you can find it at any grocery store)
Half to one lb of ground beef
Rigatoni (however much pasta you need)
Parmesan cheese

*Note: there is something just necessary about using pasatta, and not just prepared pasta sauce. In fact, you could probably use two jars of the pasatta instead of prepared pasta sauce if you want but it's what I had on hand. I don't know if pasatta is somewhat condensed, but it's flavour is so nice and rich and tomato-y.

Directions:

In large nonstick frying pan, heat about half of the olive oil - add chopped onion and saute until golden brown. Add garlic, saute a little longer. Add ground beef, cook until nice and brown.

Remove from fry pan and dump into a large cooking pot along with the jar of pasta sauce and pasatta. Simmer on medium heat while you cook the eggplant...

Poor the rest of the olive oil into the fry pan you used to cook the meat, and add the chopped eggplant. Fry until it starts to turn golden brown, ( a few minutes) but watch closely because it can stick and burn quite easily. Once done, add into the sauce mixture. Add spices, salt and pepper to taste.

Let this simmer for 45 minutes (or longer) if you can. You can definitely eat it as soon as the eggplant is tender, but the flavours mingle together and are much richer if you allow it some time.

Lastly, cook your rigatoni (because Eggplant Bolognese has to me made with rigatoni, according to Loris) according to package directions, drain, and add back to pasta pot. Stir in a couple scoops of pasta sauce, mix well. Serve pasta on plates and spoon more sauce overtop, sprinkle with Parmesan.

Delicious, I promise! (Unless you absolutely hate eggplant, but I think this would go over very well even with kids since it's mixed into the sauce)

And this recipe makes lots so you can refrigerate up to a few days or freeze several container-fulls for future meals, as I did.

Breathe new life in me

2011-09-21T16:40:00.014-04:00

I have loved Keith and Kristyn Getty's music for a long time - lovely melodies and lyrics that are deep and meaningful.

This afternoon I stumbled across a song I haven't heard before: Holy Spirit Living Breath of God.

Everything else I was busy with was halted and I just sat in the glow of late-afternoon sunshine coming in our little apartment window and listened, worshiped.

My heart has been busy over the last couple days - little things getting to me, just a general sense of relying on myself, being preoccupied with things that don't really matter. All this crowding out who I am in Christ and how He has called me to live. The lyrics in this verse give voice to my heart's prayer:

Holy Spirit living Breath of God

Breathe new life into my willing soul

Bring the presence of the Risen Lord

To renew my heart and make me whole

Thank God for His desire to draw us near to Him, for His relentless grip of grace.

Happy Birthday Stephanie!

2011-09-17T23:01:00.014-04:00

September 18th 1984; a day in history that I am extremely thankful for! ;)

It is the day that the (at least in my opinion ;)) "fairest among women" (Song of Solomon 1:8), the one with an "incorruptible beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit" (1 Peter 3:4), the one who's "worth is far above rubies." (Proverbs 31:10) came into the world. It is the day my beloved wife was born.

Isn’t she just adorable!

Here’s one more :)

Unfortunately, I am not a great writer like Stephanie so needless to say, I can’t even begin to describe what she means to me. But I will say, she means the world to me! And every morning that I wake up, I love her more than the previous morning (only because she leaves me no choice! ;) ). She is a virtuous woman, she is smart, funny and sweet! She makes me smile (easily), she makes me laugh, she inspires me, encourages me in so many ways! She is compassionate, and lovely, to use the word I believe describes her best, she is beautiful! Beautiful in every way imaginable! She is appreciated, she is treasured!

Happy Birthday Stephanie, I love you so much, so much more with every day that passes. You have my heart forever!

Love, your husband.

Offered treasure

2011-09-17T17:08:00.019-04:00

Loris works Saturdays, and I usually fill up the day with running errands, shopping for groceries, cleaning our apartment, and other chores. This morning I went to get my car license plate renewed and was surprised not to be met with a giant line-up at the Service Canada office.Which meant, of course, that this beautiful fall-cool day was calling me! Not to go home and do laundry, but to embrace the sunshine and deep blue sky and rest a while.

I went down to the beach and found it almost empty, except for squirrels chasing each other through fallen leaves (already) and frequent groups of Canada Geese honking their way across the sky.

Coffee, a picnic table, and some good reading material made my day. Here are some of the Scriptures I read, and the journaled version of what the Lord was showing me as I took the time to listen, and to look to Him. As often is the result of time with Him - I was convicted and encouraged. I hope you are as well:

"...for the Spirit searches all things, even the depths of God. For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God.

Now we have received, not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may know the things freely given to us by God...

Who has known the mind of the Lord, that He will instruct Him? But we have the mind of Christ." (I Corinthians 2:10-12,15)

In this world of conflicting viewpoints and confusing situations, it is comforting - a precious promise - to know that God desires us to know truth - He freely gives us knowledge of Him and His ways through His Spirit which dwells within us. So why do I often struggle with understanding a certain situation, or decision making? Why am I often confused or wondering what God's heart is towards me or another I know? Why am I often incompetent to counsel another, or even myself?

It is true that many things are beyond human comprehension, but I think the problem is often that I haven't spent enough time drinking in the riches of God's Word - I am not listening, not taking the time to be still before Him, to seek Him in prayer.

Loris often quotes one of his favourite preachers, Leonard Ravenhill, and I think it was him who said something like, "Many people will stand before Christ (after death) and find that on earth they were absolute spiritual paupers when untold riches could have been theirs."

How true this is. So much is offered to us who are in Christ - cleansing, wisdom, peace, joy, bread for every hunger, water for every thirst, true purpose, a song in the night...and the list is unending.

God, in His grace, often heaps much more of these things upon us than we go looking for, asking for. I praise Him for that. But my heart cries (He has put the desire within, such holy longings could never come from myself) More, my Lord! I know you so little, desire You so little, love you so little!

May I (and the rest of His body) steadfastly seek for that which He has freely offered.

New month and new things to learn.

2011-09-01T16:37:00.021-04:00

It's warm today - we're not using our air-conditioner starting this month - saves money since this is an add-on to our rent and now that it's September I'm really hoping for some cooler days. Fall is my favorite season and I am already wanting to pull out all my sweaters and visit Starbucks to see if their pumpkin-spice lattes are out yet. I know, I'm rushing things a bit!

According to the counter on my old blog, it's been 40 days since I walked down the aisle and made a covenant with Loris before God in marriage.

And from this perspective, I'm starting to realize the opportunities marriage creates for sanctification - the Christian's life-long process of becoming less sinful and more like Christ.

The good thing is that marriage has not been as difficult as some forecasted it would be even soon after the wedding (just wait, I was negatively warned a few times - you don't know what you're getting yourself into).

But even with the relatively short amount of time that's passed, I'm finding that I have a different perspective - little things happen and I think back to something I read or heard before getting married and realize that I didn't fully understand. The advice holds more weight now.

And that's a good thing, because along with all the wonderful things I was looking forward to in marriage, I really was interested as well to see how God might begin to use our marriage to help me grow - to open my eyes, to break me of some sin patterns and stubbornness, many things I have just been oblivious too. Or rather, haven't had to deal with much.

Just ask Loris about this. Actually, please don't.

Maybe I'll do some posts about some things marriage has been showing me so far - most of all for the purpose of clarifying and cementing these lessons in my own brain.

(photo: a hill off a bike trail near our place)

In praise of the home-cooked meal.

2011-08-27T16:41:00.001-04:00

A couple of days ago I was watching t.v (at my mother-in-law's - we don't have t.v. at this point) and the hosts on a popular Christian program were raving about a new recipe book designed for the "modern busy family" - all meals that could be prepared and served within 15 minutes.

Apparently they all needed a copy and found it to be just about revolutionary, because really, (insert slight sarcasm) who has time in this day and age to spend precious time in the kitchen? (And as a side note, why on earth is everyone so busy anyway! In most cases, don't we have a choice to pare down our schedules?)

Sure, there are those busy days where a quick-fix meal is just the thing, and that's fine, but I can't help but think that our grandparents and great grandparents would shake their heads at all the frozen or already-prepared and packaged meals that end up on the dinner table each night as the norm. Or you know, the t.v. table.

I'm lucky enough to have grown up with a mom who stayed home and enjoyed all the creative aspects of homemaking, including cooking. From a young age she included us in menu planning and meal preparation - from scratch. And normal evenings found us all crowded around the dinner table to a sit-down meal.

Now that I'm married, I'm finding myself in the kitchen a whole lot more than when I lived at home since the what's for dinner question is coming at me rather than from me (Although my husband is not picky and wouldn't mind cooking if I asked him to).

And that has been fine with me - I'm realizing that cooking can be a grout outlet for creativity - trying to use up what's in the fridge, experimenting with new ingredients, learning.

I love being in my kitchen in the early evening - the setting sun floods through our balcony windows, everything is quiet (my husband doesn't get home until 6:00 or so) and I am alone with my thoughts - chopping and mixing and preparing.

Food can be an expression of love - I think about my Dutch grandmother on my mom's side preparing huge suppers for her big family, largely using food they grew themselves. I see my husband's Italian mom loving her sons through the meals she makes - prepared with care and just the way they like it.

And memories are often made up of foods - decorating sugar cookies at Christmas at the kitchen table, melted cheese on crackers and "tea-milk" after a cold afternoon of tobogganing, warm stew and biscuits around the table with the family on a crisp autumn night.

Recipes passed on like heirlooms, flavors remembered - my husband says he's never had tomato sauce as good as the homemade stuff his grandmother in Italy makes.

I can't help but think that we would all be a lot better off if we cut out the unnecessary things that steal our minutes away and spend just a little more time in the kitchen chopping garlic, so to speak.

Suddenly, Here

2011-08-17T16:24:00.006-04:00

I am a married woman. ......................................................................................

Newly engaged back in March, I was warned - It will go by so fast, you will wonder where all the time went!...enjoy each moment, because the wedding will be here and gone before you know it...

And in all the fun and chaos of planning this wedding (and a big move, no small detail!) I tried to heed the advice and slow down, but not fully realizing the weight of what others who had been-there-done-that were telling me. Often, I just wanted the days to go by faster so I could step in to the role of walking through life with my love, husband and wife.

But here I am, very much wondering where the time went, although of course thrilled to be married, to be together at last. No more driving an hour back and forth to see each other, and waiting those long days between visits!

It is so good to be here, where we are - almost a month into marriage! But with how fast it's flown by - dating, engagement, a month of marriage behind us - I've been thinking a lot about time...

how short it is, and such a gift, and how necessary to live with your eyes open, so to speak - to think and choose wisely in how we spend our minutes and hours and days which eventually add up to a life time - here and gone in a blink in the grand sweep of eternity.

And thinking about this brings up many other things I want to write about, but another time.

I have to do another load of laundry and think about dinner for my husband!

(Photo: view from our balcony)